Wendy and Amy step out of their comfort zone when they tackle Flann O'Brien's postmodernist work, The Third Policeman. Fortified with their ever faithful prosecco, they explore his take on the afterlife, illuminate the meaning of yellow, and try to stump each other with some truly dumb criminals. Pop a cork to staying on the right side of the law!
Please FOLLOW, RATE, and REVIEW us on APPLE Or SPOTIFY PODCASTS.
Next Episode: Red, White, & Royal Blue by Casey McQuiston
Wendy and Amy step out of their comfort zone when they tackle Flann O'Brien's postmodernist work, The Third Policeman. Fortified with their ever faithful prosecco, they explore his take on the afterlife, illuminate the meaning of yellow, and try to stump each other with some truly dumb criminals. Pop a cork to staying on the right side of the law!
Please FOLLOW, RATE, and REVIEW us on APPLE Or SPOTIFY PODCASTS.
Next Episode: Red, White, & Royal Blue by Casey McQuiston
Prosecco N Prose | Season 2 | Episode 15 | The Third Policeman by Flann O’Brien
Co-Hosts: Wendy (W) | Amy (A)
January 6, 2021
Introduction of Bubbly, Prose, and Podcast – 00:00:00
Happy New Year and Welcome Back | Zardetto Tasting – 00:00:46
Author and Book Information – 00:06:53
Main Character Introduction – 00:09:35
Brief Summary with Spoilers – 00:11:24
Handful of Hyperbole
1) Themes of Identity & What Happens After Death – 00:17:16
2) Symbols – Color Yellow and the Trinity – 00:20:31
3) Voodoo Name Book – Joe, John, and Brian(author) – 00:25:24
4) Game – Irish Police Crimes or Not! – 00:28:40
5) Random – Omnium and the Quest – 00:38:19
Closing and Outro – 00:40:10
Wendy (W:) Welcome to Prosecco and Prose Episode 15
Amy (A:) This week’s prosecco is Zardetto.
W: This week’s prose is a listener’s request, The Third Policeman by Flann O’Brien.
* * * intro * * *
A: Happy New Year and welcome back! How were your holidays?
W: Happy New Year to you as well. It was very quiet and low-key, actually. Just stayed home … read some great books … drank some great prosecco … it was relaxing. What about you? I know your sister is just up the road, did you get a chance to see them? I just so enjoyed having Kristen last episode.
A: Thank you; I did too. Wasn’t sure how that was going to go, especially taping in that big open room. I didn’t head to Delaware this year. We headed to AZ to see the folks...lots of time on the golf courses...obviously following all COVID protocols, even had matchy matchy face masks. I’m really hoping for a more normal 2021.
W: Definitely hoping for that.
A: Now, I also read some great literature and drank great prosecco. My mom and Grandma Sue helped taste-test for the new year. We have a lot of new bottles we must try.
W: Sounds enjoyable and busy!
A: It really was, but I’m ready to get back to prose, podcasting, and this prosecco. The label matches our book perfectly and this name...
W: … I thought so! Now you usually beat me to the punch picking out proseccos, with Vince…Fred, but I remembered seeing this Zardetto and thought it would be a perfect match, at least aesthetically, to our novel today.
A: Even the abstract Z …
W: I love it!
A: It just fits the abstractness of the novel, but before we go there, let me take a look at the label. It’s a brut, driest and least sweet of proseccos, 11% alcohol—that’s good. And it says: “A contemporary Italian prosecco. Yellow grapes meet green undertones. Elegant bubbles mingle with a floral freshness and aromas of apricot and citrus.” Sounds good to me!
W: It does. Now our trusty Vivino app only rated it a 3.6, so we’ll have to see what that’s about. A bottle will run you about $10.
A: Reasonable.
W: I agree … now, before we get to the tasting, I learned a little something to add to our perlage discussion. You’re going to like this!
A: Something new for the new year? I’m always up for knowledge, especially about prosecco and perlage.
W: Good, because you know I’m going to tell you. So, there are actually levels of perlage … bubbles … effervescence.
A: Levels! Really! Like could we then predict our burpiness?
W: I suppose we could relate it to that although I’m not sure that was the intent.
A: Or even very classy …
W: Right!
A: Let’s see what you got for expanding my perlage knowledge.
W: So, the strength of bubbles is either frizzante … lightly sparkling, or spumante … fully sparkling.
A: I like the strength of the spizzzlezzzzzylzzzz Kristen came up with last episode? She’s a sparkling hot mess!
W: She definitely added a bit of sparkle to the tasting… now back to our sparkling … a frizzante is 30 days in the second fermentation. That’s when the prosecco is sealed with the yeast and sugar in the steel tank to trap the CO₂. Spumante is 40 days in this process. How long this second fermentation is dictates how bubbly the final product will be.
A: Okay … more time, more bubbles. Makes sense.
W: Yes …Natural Merchants dot com provided some further insight. Frizzante is traditional for everyday drinking. It’s often offered in a carafe at the beginning of a meal as a palate cleanser. Also, it often has the traditional Spago string closure …
A: … which is what exactly?
W: A cork with a string over the top and around the neck of the bottle.
A: Oh Okay. I’ve seen a couple of those.
W: Same, but not many, so maybe it’s not quite so popular here in the states yet. Only the frizzante can be closed or corked in this way due to the lower level of CO₂.
A: Interesting. What about spumante? Our fully sparkling stuff?
W: It’s more for special occasions …
A: … like recording a podcast?
W: Exactly. A spumante produces the characteristic foam when poured as they are more effervescent and complex. They are required to have the mushroom cap and cage corking, so what you see on a champagne bottle.
A: Never really thought of what was behind the types of corks, but it makes sense. The cork for today’s prosecco is mushroom-shaped and the trusty cage was over it as well.
W: So even though the bottle doesn’t say; it’s obviously a spumante.
A: I would say so … and there was lots of foam on the pour and a pretty nice stream of bubbles in the glass. It was kind of spiral.
W: It was very foamy; I would say it’s fully sparkling!
A: Before we taste … a couple things from the website … lemon-yellow color … aromas of white flowers, apricot and herbs create a delicately soft bouquet … citrus, orange blossoms, and stone fruits on the palate … fresh citrus and floral notes linger on the finish … it’s an ideal aperitif and excellent partner in sparkling cocktails. It says it’s zesty and stylish.
W: Zesty? Interesting … I wonder if that’s in reference to the bubbles or the taste?
A: Or both?
W: Maybe! Let’s see. So the color is to me…a yellowish-green.
A: I agree; I agree with that. Now I smell…I really smell herbs and smell citrus.
W: Yeah … I get all that and I do get a hint of floral. There’s something going on in this glass! I’m ready to taste.
A: Now I’m way ahead of you! I’m getting some pear and citrus, specifically lemon. Now swishing that around in my mouth, there’s a little bit of yeast in there this time
W: Yup, I’ve got the citrus, but for me it’s a hint of grapefruit.
A: Ahhhhh! Liking that grapefruit. You said last episode that you were not all about the grapefruit.
W: I’m not but I do like it here. And also, there’s this richness on the back of the tongue.
A: Kind of like a lager beer?
W: Maybe! I’m not a big beer fan though.
A: I know…it may have something to do with the fermentation.
W: Maybe!
A: Hey Wendy, nice pick. This is a really good pairing for this prose.
W: I like it. It’ll work. How about some author info?
A: Sure! Flann O’Brien is the pen name of Irish novelist Brian O’Nolan. We love those pen-names...you know…authors; husbands.
W: We do!
A: Now our author was only 54 when he died on April 1st, 1966...was a playwright, satirist, and considered a major figure in 20th century Irish literature. He was a key figure in modernist and post-modernist literature. His novels attracted a following for their bizarre humor and modernist metafiction.
W: It’s bizarre humor alright. It might almost be too bizarre for me.
A: I know this will surprise you, but it was a bit for me too.
W: You like absurdist stuff.
A: I know, I know!
W: Which is different…
A: I know; it’s not for everyone, but we had a faithful listener who recommended this piece, and thus we gave it our best.
W: That’s the beauty of literature … there is something for everyone. Before you get too far, a super brief definition for metafiction, which as a word means fiction about fiction. It tries to test fiction as a form … common techniques include writing about someone who is writing or reading a story.
A: Ole Bedford, once again, to the rescue.
W: Thank you Bedford.
A: But metafiction is most often associated with postmodernist work, which this novel definitely is.
W: Yes … O’Brien is the author of five novels, and his masterpiece, At Swim-Two Birds is a novel where the narrator is writing a novel about another man writing a novel and some of the characters try to break free of their author’s control and destroy him.
A: I think I’ll pass on that, even though I think you told me it’s considered one of the funniest novels of the 20th century.
W: I did. It also has borrowed and stolen characters from other fiction and legend on the grounds too many fictional characters already existed.
A: Maybe the characters were rebelling against being stolen in the first place. Now back to O’Brien … What else did you find?
W: He was a columnist for the Irish Times for 26 years and while influenced by James Joyce, was skeptical of the cult of Joyce.
A: I’m guessing he was skeptical of a lot of things … certainly would’ve been an interesting chap to have a drink with.
W: I think so. This book was written between 1939 and 1940 but when it was rejected by multiple publishers, O’Brien withdrew it and claimed to have lost it. It actually sat on a shelf in his dining room where he ate every day for 26 years and could see it. The rejection had quite an effect on O’Brien and he recycled a lot of this book in his fifth and final novel, The Dalkey Archive, published in 1964. This book, The Third Policeman, was eventually published in 1967, a year after his death.
A: I guess he really believed in telling this story. Ready for character intros?
W: Sure … we have our narrator … no name is ever given, though his conscience is given a name—Joe. The narrator was orphaned at a young age and sent off to boarding school. At 19, his left leg was broken and then was replaced by a wooden one. He is very taken with a scientist and philosopher, de Selby. He studies him, writes this definitive book on all things de Selby and is hoping to publish it.
A: Then we have John Divney, the man in charge of the narrator’s family farm and pub. He’s sort of the narrator’s caretaker, but is very lazy and selfish. I found him to be a chronic complainer.
W: He did complain about everything and did little to nothing about it. Mathers is the local man the narrator and John plot to rob and murder. Mathers has some money, these two clowns want it.
A: And our three policemen … Pluck, responsible for local crime …
W: … usually involving bicycles …
A: … always involving bicycles, Wendy. And then we have MacCruiskeen, the inventor of Chinese nesting boxes, all the way down to the molecular level.
W: That was his life’s work and he was quite proud of it and how small he got them. Crazy stuff … boxes inside of boxes, kind of like our metafiction …
A: … yes … and then finally, Fox. He’s the big wig of policemen. The grand pooba! Very elusive, but essential for our narrator’s conclusion … he has the black box the narrator and John took from Mathers, which contained a lot of money, but Fox says is full of omnium.
W: And omnium can become anything you wish it to be, so much better than cash.
A: Definitely … now, hopefully we haven’t lost you, but this is a twisty sort of book, so hang on and we will try to make it make sense.
W: Let’s get to our summary, and there really is no way around spoilers for this one, guys.
A: The spoilers actually helped me with this book. I almost made an emergency call to my son as this is his level of understanding. I call it 19th grade reading.
W: Right!
A: I was getting so lost, but your spoilers gave me some grounding.
W: I agree I had an idea and wanted clarification, got it, and the book was much easier for me to appreciate. Made it funnier as well.
A: So, the novel starts off with the backstory of our narrator. He is back home after boarding school and some traveling and has been living with John Divney for a good number of years. He’s written this work on de Selby…
W: ...who was a scientist and philosopher—like really really deep stuff…
A: Right... the narrator wants to publish his work...but with the farm and pub basically being a money pit, there are no funds to realize his dream.
W: Enter John Divney’s genius plan to rob Mathers.
A: To rob and murder Mathers, our narrator comes to realize.
W: And just accept. Now Mathers always carries this cash box, and rumor has it that it is quite loaded.
A: Enough for the publishing of his book …
W: … and some left over to make their lives a bit more comfortable. So, one night, they encounter Mathers on the road, John knocks him out with a bicycle pump, and our narrator finishes him off with a spade.
A: It was quite gruesome.
W: It was. Our narrator gets a bit lost in his murderous task and realizes John is no longer around. When he gets to the task of burying the body, John finally returns.
A: But without the cash box.
W: Exactly, which leads to the two men’s rather strange constant companionship.
A: Yes … John says he has hidden the cash box and when everything around the murder dies down, he will go and get the box. Our narrator does not trust him, so he spends every moment in John’s company.
W: They even come to sleep together. The town’s people think they have such a great relationship …
A: … more like a great mistrust. Finally, after three years, John says they can get the cash box and the two of them set out to retrieve it.
W: John tells our narrator the box is under a floorboard in Mathers’ house, and he promises to wait out at the front gate while our narrator goes and collects it. Not suspect at all.
A: Just as he reaches for the box, something happens and our narrator is left bewildered, the cash box is no longer there, but Mathers is.
W: He has a strange conversation with the obviously dead Mathers, and this is when his conscience, Joe, shows up. Mathers tells him about these odd police barracks nearby and suggests our narrator go there for help finding the stolen cash box.
A: Our narrator spends the night at Mathers’ house and then heads off in search of the police barracks. On arrival, he meets our first police man, Sergeant Pluck, who inquires if the visit is about a bicycle.
W: Everything is about a bicycle…
A: It is…
W: …in this strange place. Then Policeman MacCruiskeen arrives and a very strange conversation on bicycles, our narrator’s patronage, and nesting boxes ensues.
A: Many strange things happen to our narrator. Pluck and MacCruiskeen tell him their atomic theory on bicycles and to sum it up, the more time spent on a bicycle, the more it becomes a part of a person, and the person a part of the bicycle.
W: If that theory holds up for other inanimate objects, I may be half couch!
A: ...and I, half golf club!
W: But they do have some kind of you know a mathematical formula of how much time spent on a bike and what percentage it equates to a person being a bicycle and a bicycle being a person. Strange stuff, but funny.
A: So back to our narrator … he learns he is to be hanged for a murder …
W: … well, he did do it.
A: True, but he is still hoping to find the cash box and make his escape with his riches. But then, in a chat with Sergeant Pluck about a map, he learns there is a way to eternity. This seems like a sure ticket to escape hanging.
W: He and Pluck take the lift to eternity and meet up with MacCruiskeen. There we, and he, learn that time stops, cigarettes never get shorter, glasses of whiskey remain at the same level no matter how much you drink from it …
A: … wish that could happen with this bottle of prosecco.
W: Same! But even better, I think, they never age. The two policemen say they believe Fox, our third policeman, sleeps down there to slow down his aging.
A: Never ending prosecco … no aging … I’m down with that!
W: I am too. Now anything one can think of can appear in eternity.
A: Appear, but not leave, much to our narrator’s distress.
W: Back from eternity, our narrator does manage to escape on a bicycle that he seems to be falling in love with, right?
A: Right!
W: …and ends up at Mathers’ house. A flashing light draws him into the house and he finally meets the third policeman, Fox, who tells him the cash box is at his old home and it contains omnium, which is better because it can become anything one wishes.
A: He hops back on his bicycle,
W: Girlfriend…
A: and when he enters his old home, he sees John Divney...however...there is also an adolescent boy and a pregnant woman. Divney sees the narrator and starts babbling about him being dead. That he was killed in a bomb that went off in Mathers’ house when he went to retrieve the cash box.
W: John goes into a shock and dies. Then the book ends where it started, with our narrator on his way to the police barracks but now John joins him.
A: It’s a crazy story and if that was hard to follow, trust us, it was not so easy summarizing. Hopefully, though, we gave you enough to enjoy our discussion. Feel free to come back to the summary should you get lost. Wendy hey, ...such a great job with this summary.
W: Thank you. It was definitely a little more difficult this time. So, there was this theme of identity, or lack thereof running through the novel. Our narrator’s name is never given and when he is asked for his name, he cannot give it himself as he does not remember.
A: Or even know. To tangent a bit off that, it felt like there were items that were also misnamed through the novel, which is kind of a way of messing with the object's identity.
W: Good point. I did sometimes find myself rereading to help myself understand what had just happened. Like I had to you know, decipher it.
A: Like you couldn’t identify what you just read? That’s unusual for you … it’s kind of like you were pulling “a me” this time. There are some days that I can’t remember my own identity, more so after reading this book though.
W: I don’t know about pulling “a you.” I do like this level you’re holding me up to. But this book required a high level of engagement, and it was easy to miss things and you’re lost in the story. But your lost…you know what I mean.
A: You definitely had to have a high level of engagement in the story.
W: But let’s move on to our other thought on this novel … What happens after death? This book explored this idea of a purgatory really.
A: Or this world between death and eternity.
W: Our narrator did go to eternity, but returned to his in-between world.
A: Right … but he didn’t realize he was dead, and he was fixed on this business of getting the cash box.
W: He was determined to publish his de Selby manifesto.
A: So, no matter how strange this place is, or how things are not adding up, he wants that box.
W: The author has created this surreal world our narrator is trapped in.
A: You know it’s a sub-reality … the buildings are strange, more two-dimensional than three-dimensional. Remember, Fox actually lived between the walls of Mathers’ house.
W: That’s right … Fox is living between walls in a between world.
A: He was insane, Wendy! And you just made me think of Martin Finnucane. Remember when the narrator ran into him on his way to the barracks?
W: Yes … Finnucane threatens to kill our narrator, but then they become friends when he learns they both have a wooden leg.
A: And pledges his help should our narrator ever need it. A thought here … maybe Finnucane is actually our narrator or a reflective version of our narrator. There was the mirror reflective discussion remember that? You could look into the mirror and view your past and then view your past even beyond that past … like a crazy house mirror.
W: I do remember that …I had to read it like three times.
A: It was hard to follow, but once you read it and reread it...
W: Right… but we know the story starts back over, so maybe our narrator got stuck in this role of warning his future self.
A: Maybe … I think anything can happen in this sub reality, and none of it has to make sense.
W: True, because no one can know for certain what happens after death. I mean my opinion.
A: It’s a lot to take in and wrap your brain around, so if any of you have read this and have thoughts, we would so love
W: Love…
A: …what you have to say. Let’s tackle symbols.
W: Okay we could go on and on with symbols in this novel, especially color symbiology.
A: We haven’t done that in a while, have we?
W: We haven’t and we love it. This novel was loaded.
A: It was!
W: Yellow showed up 23 times (word nerds back), a lot less than black...83 times, but we have to remember our main character is dead and black symbolizes death...but yellow was most memorable and really popped for us…
A: ...yes yellow does grab one’s attention over any other color in the spectrum. I’m surprised that it didn’t help with my understanding of this novel as I ate a lot of bananas…
W: Is that the trick?
A: …while reading. Yellow is the color of intellect.
W: Maybe, maybe in addition if we had been wearing a yellow outfit, drinking a yellow mimosa?
A: Not a bad idea … back to the book, Mathers, our murdered gentleman, was described as yellow and he talked about it being the color of his birth wind. Every year he got a yellow gown, very, very thin, nearly indiscernible to the naked eye, and these layers of yellow built up over the years.
W: And if I may…to take it in another direction, yellow is used to represent divinity in Christian art…
A: Ohhhhh!
W: you know…Think about those pictures, it’s always like this yellow glow…
A: Yellow hue
W: Right…but yellow is not pure white, so it may also be used to symbolize corruption and degradation.
A: Ohhhhh, so this use of the color was interesting because Mathers told our narrator that he had attained his full-blown, brightest color at 15, but then every year after, it started to change into brown, and by 70, it was a light brown, to eventually become black at death.
W: I just had this wild thought…if you killed someone before their color turned to black, did it not…maybe that was why he was stuck too…
A: Possibly.
W: Possibly? I mean that is interesting
A: The story never did say he turned to black.
W: No, it didn’t…he was at a brown level
A: Right!
W: …and he got murdered…
A: Right! Interesting!
W: That is interesting…and it sends me … I mean I just went off on a tangent but I have another tangent if I can. Is that okay with you?
A: Sure, go ahead!
W: Perhaps at 15 Mathers was his most pure, you know…but then he started collecting money, and there is the saying, money is the root of all evil, maybe as he collected riches, that also affected his gown color, in addition to the layers of gowns adding up on his body.
A: Oh, I can see that as a possible explanation of the darkening color. Continuing in that same vein, there’s a darker side to yellow, the portion that kind of lurks behind the brightness: cowardice, betrayal, egoism, and madness, and really overall illness. You know yellow is also the color of caution.
W: It’s almost like the brightness is a distraction, blinds one to the truth.
A: Well, our narrator was definitely distracted at seeing Mathers when he went to retrieve the cash box. Didn’t even notice there was a bomb that went off and killed him.
W: That is pretty distracted, right? I had one more thought on symbols … since there was this underlying tone of religion and an afterlife,
A: I knew you were going there.
W: I know…and You know I struggled with this but it made me think of the three policemen as O’Brien’s version of the holy trinity … the Father, Son, and the Holy Ghost.
A: Hmmm...that is a provocative take … So Wendy how do you see each policeman then?
W: Well, Fox would be the Father. He’s controlling everything … he messes with the readings the other two are always checking and writing down. We don’t know what those reading are, but I’m not entirely sure how I would place the other two, and it was just a thought. I’m sure others may see it completely different.
A: But I think we could circle any of the policemen around to fit the father, son, and holy spirit through ideology.
W: Okay
A: Pluck could be the father as the narrator came to him and the father does love a sinner, right?
W: Right!
A: MacCruiskeen could be the son as Jesus was a carpenter…a craftsman…and MacCruiskeen created stuff…and Fox could be the Holy spirit as he didn’t appear until the end... the one who was the blessing and warns the others of the one-legged men coming to rescue our sinner, the narrator…it’s just so circular and isn’t that what the trinity is about…saving humanity from sin. We need all three to unite the whole.
W: Right, true…Not to go down the religion rabbit hole, but it might be another approach our listeners could take when deciphering this story...so provocative.
A: I think O’Brien aimed to be provocative, and this novel raises many ideas to scratch your head over.
W: Or scratch your hiney.
A: Very true … now let’s talk about these names.
W: Let’s! ...The naming game was interesting in this novel and so we thought we would see what Joe, John, and our author’s name, Brian, brought to light.
A: Our narrator was never named, but his conscience was, Joe … I think you will find this interesting ... Joes are straightforward, and they like to watch or observe other people.
W: Interesting!
A: They move freely in and out of social situations and help others feel at ease.
W: I think about when Joe first shows up for our narrator, he did put him at ease.
A: He did, our narrator felt a sense of comfort with Joe speaking to him. The E in his name means window in Hebrew, and I think one could safely say Joe was a window into our narrator’s mind.
W: Definitely. Their conversations were … interesting. I remember one where Joe was offended because our narrator described him as scaly, and then as having no body.
A: Joe was quite put out by that.
W: He was!
A: One final note on Joe … the value of the letters in his name is associated with the tarot card of death.
W: Wow … he didn’t show up until our narrator had met his demise. What about John?
A: So our John didn’t exactly match up with our voodoo John… a happy, hardworking, loyal, supportive guy.
W: Yeah … I would say not so much. Anything that did give you pause?
A: Well, it did start out with this - on the surface, John seems like a friendly and helpful guy, but not particularly outstanding in any way. And that did describe our John.
W: Yes, seems friendly and helpful, outstandingly sneaky, maybe. Now I’m quite curious about our author’s name, which we thought would be fun to do. Tell us about Brian and Brian is his actual name…not the pen name.
A: Now this was interesting. His name shows that unless you like a really good row, it’s not a good idea to get into a fight with Brian. They see themselves as something of a David figure and all who disagree with him as Goliaths.
W: That is very interesting … both within the context of this novel and the struggle he had in getting it published.
A: It gets better … Brians are happiest when opposing the general view and that can lead to them taking a somewhat perverse approach to their own beliefs.
W: Hmmm … maybe his own thoughts on purgatory or an afterlife? Or even his new style of writing?
A: Maybe. Brians love practical jokes, are more comfortable being self-employed and will work to distinguish themselves from others in order to make a clear and distinctive mark.
W: I think that is most definitely our author. Maybe his writing is a practical joke for all, it’s certainly humorous. And he was able to distinguish his writing style from others of the time, particularly in establishing his post-modernist footprint.
A: So Brian really fit in so many other ways, but those were ones that stood out the most for me. I’d like to add one more thing, a Brian loves to see the dumbfounded look on peoples’ faces when he’s got them … I could have provided that look for him many times over with this read. Are you ready for games?
W: Maybe that was his goal. Now, with a story about policemen, we thought it might be fun to play a little game of true or false with some crazy crimes committed in Ireland.
A: Dumb criminals are all over the world!
W: They sure are. So this is a True or False game...drinking for misses applies as usual. We will use Gramma Sue’s Press for Prosecco bells for correct answers...So True or False, Amy: A thirsty criminal in Cork tried to steal a keg by getting it over an 8-foot fence by himself. Hope it was worth the trouble, the keg wasn’t even filled with beer, it was a cleaning keg.
A: I’m going to say that one was probably true because drunks usually do dumb stuff. At least I have in the past.
W: Ding! Ding! Ding! It is true. He was unable to make it over the fence with his prize of cleaning solution.
A: Awesome...Okay Wendy now I have one for you...True or False: A married couple discovered a burglar in their Enniskerry Irish Palladian-style house after the burglar laughed at the husband’s joke.
W: That seems like it could be true. I think…I mean, the dumber the crime, the more likely it is to have happened.
A: No dingy dingy here Drink up my friend!
W: I wanted to anyway.
A: The crime is true, but the location is false. This happened in Oak Hill, West Virginia. Apparently, the robber was hiding when the family came home. The owner, you know the husband, was telling a joke and the hidden thief chuckled. Wonder what the joke was?
W: Me too!
A: Now Enniskerry is a place in Ireland I want to visit. There is a resort called Powerscourt Hotel that is known for its Palladian-style architecture. You know very renaissance-like…There are also two golf courses there I’d love to play.
W: Of course you would find a good golf course. True or False: Over Christmas in 2014, 249 prisoners were granted a temporary release in County Cavan. Might not have been the best plan as only two of the prisoners returned at the end of the release time.
A: Hmmm … I’m going to say that one is probably true, too, because of some of my research on temp release prisoners, which is obviously a big thing in Ireland.
W: No dingy, dingy, drink! There was a holiday release for 249 prisoners, but only two did not return, though one of the escapees didn’t last long on the outside as he broke into a house for 10 euros and a cup of tea, making off with the owner’s car, and he was nabbed again.
A: That’s what you get for drinking tea and not prosecco.
W: Obviously!
A: So here’s another one... True or False ...The Scissor Sisters in Dublin killed Farah Swaleh Noor in March 2005 with a Stanley utility knife and hammer then dismembered him with a kitchen knife and dumped the body parts, manhood and all, in Dublin’s Royal Canal.
W: Ewwww! I hope that’s false because that is really gruesome and disgusting.
A: No dingy dingy...drink.
W: I need a drink after that.
A: It’s True… Linda and Charlotte Mulhall committed this heinous crime of their mother’s boyfriend after a heated sexual confrontation that included the mom.
W: That’s strange already.
A: Noor’s leg…I’ll say that again…Noor’s leg was spotted floating near Croke Park ten days after his death. There is a big write up on the internet on this. Charlotte was given mandatory life sentence. Linda Mulhall 15 (served 12 and released in 2018); she’s out there wandering. And Kathleen, the mom was given five years for helping clean up the crime scene and concealing evidence. The father of Charlotte and Linda ended up hanging himself after the girls were found guilty. It’s a tremendously grotesque story. There are books written about this: The Torso in the Canal by John Mooney and The Irish Scissor Sisters by Mick McCaffrey.
W: That is so disgusting, but those to books have just been added to my to be read list.
A: Ewww…You can just write them up on our Feature Friday.
W: Okay…I mean it’s just disgusting.
A: I’ll just read your notes. I am not going to read anything grotesque like that.
W: I can’t resist now.
A: You got me into these thrillers, but I’m not going that far.
W: But this is a real thriller, like…I don’t know, but I’ll move on. True or False: A Meath man claimed he was just finding a safe place to park the car when he was arrested for driving under the influence.
A: That sounds reasonable. I’d say that’s true.
W: Ding! Ding! Ding! But I feel like if you get it right you should get to drink … just don’t go parking your car.
A: Yes gardai...I’ll take that drink.
W: Anything for the prosecco, right?
A: That’s right! Okay True or False...As of 30 November 2020, there are 297 escaped prisoners on the run in Ireland.
W: That’s a pretty specific number, so I’m going with true.
A: Dingy ding ding! Finally! True…according to the Irish Prison Service (IPS), there are 253 men and 44 women on the run with crimes ranging from murder to failing to pay their TV license. Most of these criminals at large are just in breach of their temporary release orders for not checking in or in breach of their conditions. The IPS is adamant that the public is not in danger and claimed the vast majority of them are “low risk” and are unlikely to re-offend. However, their names have been passed onto the Gardai in hopes of a recapture.
W: I’m not sure murder is low-risk, but okay. True or False: A man who thought he was a female elf robbed a lingerie shop at gunpoint in Belfast. He said he was role-playing at the time and may have blurred the lines of reality and fantasy.
A: I’m going to say that one was false.
W: You think it was just too crazy to be true?
A: I just don’t think elves role-play. They get enough play at the North Pole.
W: Well, apparently, they do, and when they need lingerie, they need it now and at gunpoint. Drink up!
A: Okay! That gives a whole new meaning to elf on the shelf...my next one...True or False...An 18 year old in Dublin Ireland tried to eat his underwear in hopes that the cotton fabric would absorb the alcohol after he was pulled over for impaired driving outside of the Jameson Distillery Bow Street.
W: So we have an underwear crime, which I should know you couldn’t pass up. It has to be true. And I bet you searched all day for something like this.
A: You know my deranged mind, but it’s False…this crime really happened, so the crime is true. However, not in Ireland or outside the Jameson Distillery. It happened in Colorado.
W: Of course!
A: David Zurfluh was pulled over for weaving in his car and fled from his vehicle but was then caught. While sitting in the cop car he apparently ripped the crotch out of his underwear, placed it in his mouth, and thought it would absorb the alcohol before taking a breathalyzer.
W: I can’t!
A: He blew 0.08, which is the legal limit so he was acquitted but it was funny. I came across this article because the judge’s name was Irish…MacNaughton and I was also searching Jameson Irish Whiskey… and yes I searched high and low...mostly low for this little gem.
W: Mostly low … surprise, surprise. Desperate times for desperate measures, I suppose.
A: Exactly.
W: I wonder if they were clean from that morning or do you think they were the morning after ones?
A: Geh! I don’t want to even think about that.
W: You brought it to the table.
A: That’s what I get.
W: True or False: A man in Belfast attempted to steal a car by throwing a brick to break the window. The brick bounced back, hit the would-be thief in the head, knocking him out cold.
A: Yeah, I think that’s probably true.
W: Ding, Ding, Ding…And it looks like you might be going out with a win. Makes it easy to catch when you are lying out cold at the scene of your crime.
A: Well it takes a criminal to know a criminal...remember last episode…
W: Oh yes...your fire starter story was hilarious.
A: Okay so last one...True or False...Michael Manning was the 29th and last person to be executed for crime in the Republic of Ireland after he killed Catherine Cooper, a 65-year-old nurse.
W: I think that might be true.
A: Ding ding ding… Hey…good job that one is true…he was a rapist who was executed by hanging in 1954. Capital punishment was abolished after his execution in 1964 with the exception of murder of the Gardai, diplomats, or prison officers. I’ll come back to this in just a second. Manning raped and murdered Ms. Cooper on his way home from a day’s drinking at The Black Swan. Even worse, it was found she choked on grass he stuffed in her mouth to keep her from screaming. Now back to my story on the capital punishment. There was some controversy on the death penalty being erected for crimes against the Gardai, but it was overruled in Ireland’s supreme court in the 70s. So you can really commit heinous crimes in Ireland and never die for them, although you might end up with life in prison.
W: That’s horrible…
A: But on a lighter note, the Black Swan at Annacotty Village in Limerick Ireland is situated on the banks of the Mulcair River and looks to be a very friendly bar online. You can recognize it by its very exciting and inviting yellow color…it just screams come in and drink all day…just don’t kill anyone when you leave.
W: Nice tie-in with the yellow.
A: I thought you’d like that.
W: Love the little touristy info, and the public service announcement.
A: You are welcome … let’s close this out with our random thoughts.
W: Now there were a couple things I found that made me shake my head. The first was this box of omnium. Remember that?
A: Yes, it was better than the actual cash because it could become whatever you wished, like more prosecco.
W: Yes, like more prosecco. I was curious if it was just a made-up word, like his made-up philosopher, de Selby, and it is not.
A: No?
W: No. First, omnium is Latin for belonging to all and second, are you ready for this?
A: Uh hum!
W: …an omnium is a track cycling competition where riders take part in several different events.
A: Didn’t know that but that’s crazy. All this bicycle talk and there it is, right at ya.
W: I know. It felt pretty purposeful as well as the belonging to all meaning … it was like O’Brien tossed out a little bit of hope for us. Eternity doesn’t belong to one; it belongs to all.
A: I like that thought. Now you know how I like narrative arcs.
W: I do …
A: I just couldn’t help but notice that this story was just a quest story. First, it’s for knowledge about de Selby; then it’s money; then the actual cash box which you know leads our narrator on his ultimate quest.
W: Right. It is … but it’s an endless quest, since the story circles right back to the beginning.
A: Well, maybe O’Brian is trying to tell us life is an endless quest. There is always something to be striving for, maybe?
W: Nothing wrong with a lifelong quest.
A: Nope … isn’t that a teacher’s ultimate goal … building a desire for the lifelong quest of knowledge?
W: It is.
A: This story was made for us.
W: It was and maybe that’s what O’Brian wanted … for people to just think and be on a lifelong quest. For something… anything that sparks their interest. Alright guys, this one definitely muddled our brains and pushed us outside our comfort zone.
A: That is a solid fact, but it was fun, and we love taking your requests. So, if you have something you want us to muddle through, please let us know. I think that’s a wrap.
W: I think so. Our next episode, in two weeks, is Casey McQuiston’s Red, White, and Royal Blue. We think you will love this entertainingly royal romance of a book.
A: Stay warm friends as winter is settling in, and it is getting so cold outside.
W: And Happy New Year to everyone!
A: Yes 2021, bring on the happy!
W:/A: …and Cheers!